Throughout my life, I’ve always been deeply affected by my surroundings. Bright lights, strong smells, itchy clothes, and loud noises can feel overwhelming. I often sense other people’s emotions—like sadness, anger, or loneliness—before they even say a word. Music can move me to tears, and I can play melodies by ear, guessing the next note based on how the music feels.
Because I’m so sensitive to my environment, I struggle with multitasking and get stressed when there’s too much going on. As a child, my sensitivity was misunderstood. Classmates called me “Rain Man,” and teachers thought I wasn’t paying attention. No one realized I was a highly sensitive person (HSP)—someone with a sensitive nervous system who feels things deeply.
Being an HSP isn’t a disorder or condition. It’s a personality trait, also called sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS). Surprisingly, 15 to 20 percent of people are HSPs. Looking back, my sensitivity shaped my childhood, relationships, and even led me to become a psychologist. Here’s what being an HSP is really like.
1. How Being an HSP Affected My Childhood
On my first day of kindergarten, the teacher read the class rules, including: “If you have any questions, raise your hand.” But I rarely asked questions. Instead, I’d study her face to see if she looked tired, angry, or annoyed. If she raised her eyebrows, I thought she was frustrated. If she spoke too fast, I assumed she was impatient.
Before asking anything, I’d say, “Is it okay if I ask a question?” At first, my teacher was kind, but soon she got frustrated and yelled, “I told you, you don’t need to ask permission! Weren’t you paying attention?” She called me a “poor listener” and told me to “stop being high maintenance.”
On the playground, I struggled to make friends. I often sat alone, convinced everyone was mad at me. Teasing from classmates and harsh words from teachers made me retreat. I had few friends and felt like I didn’t belong. My mantra became: “Stay out of the way, and no one will bother you.”
3 Things HSPs Want You to Know
- We feel things deeply but may hide our emotions: We’ve learned to retreat because the world can feel overwhelming.
- We may seem uncomfortable in groups: Loud noises or crowded places can overstimulate us, but that doesn’t mean we don’t value relationships.
- We seek reassurance in new relationships: We’re hypersensitive to signs of rejection and may need extra support.
2. How Being an HSP Affected My Relationships
My friends often came to me for advice about crushes or relationships. “Do you think he’s playing hard to get?” they’d ask. I’d reply, “Just be yourself.” Even though they thought I over-analyzed everything, they appreciated my insight.
But constantly helping others became a pattern I couldn’t break. I was so focused on pleasing others that I felt unseen. By high school, I had my first boyfriend. I drove him crazy by overanalyzing our relationship. I even suggested we take a personality test to see if we were compatible. “I think you’re extroverted, and I’m introverted!” I said. He wasn’t amused and broke up with me.
3. How Being an HSP Affected My College Life
In 1997, during a psychology class, my professor described a personality type I’d never heard of: the highly sensitive person (HSP). He explained that HSPs are deeply affected by loud noises, need rest after overstimulation, and often sense others’ emotions. As he spoke, I felt like he was describing me.
My professor explained that Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist, coined the term HSP in 1996. She wrote a book called The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. In it, she describes HSP traits and how to thrive as a sensitive person. My professor emphasized that being an HSP isn’t a flaw—it’s just a different way of experiencing the world.
That lecture changed my life. I became fascinated by how sensitivity shapes personalities and relationships. It inspired me to go to graduate school and become a psychologist.
Final Thoughts
Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) has its challenges, but it’s also a gift. HSPs feel deeply, notice subtleties others miss, and often have strong intuition. If you’re an HSP, know that you’re not alone—and your sensitivity is not a flaw. It’s a unique way of experiencing the world. By understanding and embracing your traits, you can thrive as a highly sensitive person.